lovely. i love Zoe's terse-ness (if thats even a word), and the fact that she cant help leaning in towards Inara's natural warmth and her scent.
concrit wise, i should be picky and point out that it should be "got a slinky dress", not "gotta" (gotta is a slang contraction for 'got to', rather than a shortening of 'got a'). I hate to do that, though, since it messes up your count... but i challenge you to see if you can make it fit :P
hmm, rereading... i really love your descriptions of movement, such as the fragrance curling, the silk twitching etc. very nice. you have a particular style here - short, clipped sentences, description rather than naming etc - and its really interesting and poetic. great work :)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 01:22 am (UTC)lovely. i love Zoe's terse-ness (if thats even a word), and the fact that she cant help leaning in towards Inara's natural warmth and her scent.
concrit wise, i should be picky and point out that it should be "got a slinky dress", not "gotta" (gotta is a slang contraction for 'got to', rather than a shortening of 'got a'). I hate to do that, though, since it messes up your count... but i challenge you to see if you can make it fit :P
hmm, rereading... i really love your descriptions of movement, such as the fragrance curling, the silk twitching etc. very nice. you have a particular style here - short, clipped sentences, description rather than naming etc - and its really interesting and poetic. great work :)