But, since I posted it, I have been reconsidering. I very well may rework it, since I do like the individual pieces but agree they don't work so well together.
Oh I wouldn't go that far, I like the structure and I think most of it works very well together. All you would really need to do if you wanted is to tighten up that final bar scene making it all Sam's POV and eliminate whatever dialogue doesn't directly relate to your pumpkin theme. That would probably do it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-10-30 06:25 pm (UTC)Oh I wouldn't go that far, I like the structure and I think most of it works very well together. All you would really need to do if you wanted is to tighten up that final bar scene making it all Sam's POV and eliminate whatever dialogue doesn't directly relate to your pumpkin theme. That would probably do it.